The XXX Files
by Reanna R. King
Summary: This is an old one. Nanami decides to investigate paranormal activity at Ohtori, bringing Miki along for the ride, forcing him to eat insane amounts of pudding, submit to rabid fangirls, and other atrocities.


It was a perfectly normal day at Ohtori. Perfectly normal, that is, that a day at Ohtori Academy can be. But there was one person who was hoping it would be the exact opposite.  
Miki was sitting in his dorm drinking milkshakes with Kozue from their oh-so-kawaii "M" and "K" glasses when the door burst open. Nanami marched into the room with a wide grin across her face.  
Miki turned around, startled. Then he smiled and offered her a cup. "Ohayou, Nanami. Would you like a milkshake?"  
"There is no time! We must now answer our calling!" she said, more than a little melodramatically. Miki gave her a puzzled look. "We were meant to be investigators of the paranormal, like on the XXX files!"  
"The XXX Files?" Miki asked.  
"You mean that American show?" Kozue asked, downing her milkshake.  
"No, I mean the *real* XXX Files!" Nanami said.  
"The "*real*" XXX Files?" Kozue asked skeptically.  
"Yeah!" Nanami said. "I bet all kinds of stuff happens at this school! I'll be Agent Scummy, and Miki," she pointed to him dramatically. "YOU can be Agent Molder!"  
Miki looked unsure. "I don't think-"  
Nanami grabbed Miki's hand. "Come on, Miki, it'll be fun! LET'S INVESTIGATE!"  
"Wrong anime," muttered Kozue dryly.  
"We'll start with the cafeteria!" Nanami said, pulling Miki out the door.  
"But Nanami-" Miki whimpered.  
Kozue rolled her eyes and took a final sip from her milkshake.  
  
Nanami strode into the cafeteria with Miki in tow. She whirled around to face him, holding a pair of sunglasses. "Put these on, so no one will recognize you." She inconspicuously slid a pair over her own eyes and shoved the other pair onto Miki's face. "Now no one will know who we are!"  
"Hi, Nanami! Hi Miki!"  
"Ohayou, Miki!"  
"How's it going, Nanami?"  
Nanami shrugged. "Oh well. It's time to investigate!" She observed her surroundings. "Look!" she cried, and ran over to where someone was sitting at a table, eating. "DON'T EAT THAT!" Nanami cried, swatting the tray off the table.  
Juri, with food all over her face, stayed still and calm, save for a slight eyebrow twitch. "What-the HELL-do you think you're doing?"  
Nanami frowned. "Only saving your life, you ingrate!" She pointed to the pudding on the ground. "That pudding could be an alien organism! If you had eaten it, you could have turned into an alien!"  
Juri glared at Miki, who blushed (KAWAII!). She got up and stormed off.  
Nanami turned to Miki. "We'll have to get used to skepticism, Miki. Don't worry! We're doing great! Look over there!" Nanami pointed to a crate full of pudding snack cups. "I'm sure there are more aliens in those!" Nanami began tearing the lids off. She plunged her fingers in and felt around. "Nope, this one's normal... so's this one... nope nothing here."  
"Nanami, you're letting all that pudding go to waste!" Miki said, reluctantly sticking his oh-so-slender fingers into a cup.  
Nanami stopped searching, with a determined look on her face. "You're right." She handed several opened cups to Miki. "Here. Eat them."  
"Me?! Why me? You opened them!"  
"I'm on a diet. Besides, you're the one so concerned about wasting food. Now EAT!"  
"Well..." he said, looking down at the brown goop. (Chocolate! Yum!)  
Later...  
"Nanami, I can't eat any more!" Miki groaned, wiping pudding off his mouth.  
"Come on, Miki, we're almost halfway done."  
"HALF?!"  
  
Nanami and Miki afterwards strode and was pulled, respectively, into the Rose Garden, where Anthy was contentedly tending the roses.  
"Well Anthy! You thought Earth would be an easy conquest, but you were wrong! We're come to expose you as the evil alien you are! That's right! The jig is up! Anthy Himemiya is really a slimy alien!"  
Anthy turned and smiled pleasantly. "Oh. That's nice Nanami."  
"Nanami, this is ridiculous."  
"You thought we wouldn't find out about your plan to enslave the human race! You were going to grow these roses into massive rose bushes to enslave us, right?" She smiles to herself.  
"Nanami, cut it out!"  
Nanami held up a giant pair of shears. "Oh, I intend to!"  
Miki tried to grab them away. "Nanami, do you realize what the penalty is for damaging the roses?"  
"Don't you want to save the world?" Just then, Nanami calmed down. "Oh... I guess I was wrong! Anthy could *never* be an alien!" She sounded very sincere. *cough* Not! *cough* She skipped out of the garden, pulling Miki by the collar.  
"Nanami, where are we going now?"  
Nanami smiled slyly. "To Utena and Anthy's dorm! There, I can get the evidence I need. Besides, it's a haunted dorm, isn't it? Maybe we can see some ghosts while we're there."  
"GHOSTS?"  
  
Nanami and Miki stood at the door to Utena and Anthy's dorm. "Nanami, we can't just sneak in here like this..." He said even as he followed Nanami inside.  
"Nonsense! I bet this place is crawling with paranormal activity!" She strode over to the closet and extended her hand to open it.  
Something occurred to Miki. "Nanami, remember what happened the last time you opened that closet?"  
Nanami frowned and then stepped aside. "You're right, Miki."  
Miki sighed in relief.  
"You open it."  
Miki winced. But how do you argue with someone like Nanami? He put his hand forward. He shut his oh-so-kawaii eyes tightly and opened the closet.  
Nothing happened. Finally, after a minute, something had completely failed to happen at all. Miki sighed another sigh of relief.  
Nanami looked inside. "That's a big closet. I wonder what's in there..."  
"Let me guess. You want me to go in first."  
Miki peered into the closet, sticking his oh-so-adorable head into the darkness. Suddenly, a pair of hands reached out, grabbed Miki, and pulled him into the closet and closed the door.  
"I told you something strange was going on here!" Nanami yelled smugly through the door. But then she took note of the sounds emerging from the closet... the high-pitched screams and pleas for mercy were Miki's, but what about the feminine giggling? Wait, there was another sound....  
"Wow," Nanami murmured over Miki's cries for help. "I didn't know you could *hear* someone blushing." She quickly opened the door.  
Miki streaked out, a blur of blue. A second figure stepped out, wearing Miki's jacket.  
"Kenji?!" Nanami cried. "What are you doing here?! You're not an alien *or* a ghost!" She pulled Miki's jacket away. "You're interrupting a very important investigation!"  
"Well," Kenji said defensively, "I was doing some investigating of my own when *you* interrupted *me*." She looked over at Miki, who was busy putting his jacket back on.  
Nanami frowned. "Have you seen anything strange or unusual in here?"  
Kenji thought for a moment. "...no."  
Nanami sighed. "THIS IS THE MOST BORING SCHOOL EVER!" She threw up her arms in disgust. She grabbed Miki's hand once again. "Let's get out of here!"  
  
That evening, as the sun set, Nanami and Miki sat on a bluff overlooking the ocean.  
"It's a pretty sunset," Miki said.  
"I don't care!" Nanami muttered, turning away from the water. "I don't believe this! We didn't find a single thing!"  
Miki looked out toward the ocean. What was that he saw in the sky? Spinning, colored lights? He tapped Nanami's shoulder excitedly. "Hey, Nanami!"  
"I know what you're thinking, and don't you say "I told you so!"  
What was that out to sea? Something with flippers, a long neck, suspiciously sea-monster shaped... "Nanami, I'm sure that if you'd just look behind you-"  
"And don't patronize me either!"  
"But-" Miki said as he observed a translucent being rise up from the ground.  
"I don't want to hear it!"  
Miki watched a woman who was swimming in the ocean wave her fish-like tail at him. "But if you'll just listen-"  
"This is the end of the discussion! Do you hear me?"  
Miki sighed. "So I guess you're over the paranormal investigating stuff..."  
Nanami turned to him, smiling widely. "Of course not! There's always tomorrow!"  
"Tomorrow?!"  
  
end 


End file.
